You will see a blue bird at the bottom, that's Mr. Blue our bird who died Christmas Eve 2005. Kevin was very sad when Mr. Blue died, but like Kevin.....he is flapping his wings and taking flight.

The reason I used many colors when I added our son's name, was because Kevin was a bright child! He loved all the colors that God made!

I then placed a locket with our son's picture, to remind us and everyone else what a beautiful child God had blessed us with, and the precious little angel that now watches over his mommy, daddy, brother and sister.

The Day that our lives chaged forever........



It was just like any other school morning.  The kids were all getting ready for school. It was cold and raining out side. I came into the kitchen and saw Kevin, he had pulled the bar stool up to the coffee pot and was watching it drip all 12 cups! It was like he knew that was going to be his last time to watch the coffee drip. None of the children wanted to go to school that Monday morning, and I don't blame....I was tired too. I passed out kisses and sent them on there way.
As a stay at home mom, I felt lost that day....like I lost something or was about to loose something.

In car-pool line Kevin had to "pee"!  Still the weather was bad, and I know that just made things worse for the little guy to see the water fall down the windows in the car. He said, " Mom...can I play your phone?" My cell has games on it and he's our computer wizard. Still in the line I gave him my phone. He sat in the back seat playing on the cell phone. He was a bit upset because he could not get the game to turn off the music. So I had a look at it. By this time Kevin is squirming in the back seat having to pee so bad. (As any mother knows...they want to take any discomfort away from their children.)  Since it was raining I told him he could roll down the window and pee outside the window..... I told him no one would see the pee because it was to wet outside! He passed on that idea! So I found a way to mute the sound on his game, but when he would play it, the darn thing would vibrate when he was playing it. Kevin would get so mad! I think it wa because he had to pee!

Kevin and I went to the  downstairs bathroom, and I thought the little guy was going to flood the place...

That was the last time Kevin was in our home...........................

So, we went to Wal-Mart...I got the kids school drinks and snack for the week, and then I let them play with the toys. I'll never forget watching all three of them playing and having fun with the baseball bats, and bouncy balls.

Weather still being bad, I got the kids in the car and put all the stuff in the trunck of the car. By the time I got in the car I was cold and wet. 

Next stop was to the drug store to pick up some monthly medication. Since I did not know if it was ready or not the kids all came in with me.
I can tell you how much their cany cost before it was on sale, and the sale price...I can tell you how much candy I got each of them and why.

I can tell you how my children were all seated in the back seat of the car that day, what they were all wearing. I remember asking them if all their seat belt were on, and  there were 3 "yes ma'ams" 
I look at each of them to make sure....and they did have their seat belt on. NOTE= Seat belts are like a religion to us, if you are not going to wear one in my car, you will have to find another person to ride with!
I backed out on Commerse.......and that was the last thing I remember..............

There was still a ways to go.... I still had to go through a light, pass the Post Office, past the libray, police station....around a sharp curve.......where there was a tree that our hit.

So there is not much I can tell you of the accident itself.... I only remember seeing my 3 happy children in the back seat of the car, then waking up in the hospital room being asked all kinds of questions..
What do you remember, do you know what happened? Do you know where you are?

The only thing that came to mind was this.... and not many people know. My husband, my priest, and I told my threopist this. And I hope that this brings some pease to many mothers who have lost their children...... 

" It was bright, so bright..... but not the kind of bright that would hurt your eyes. Kevin was running around me playing and yelling. He was so happy!"
" Then it was like looking down on Kevin and myself. He was still running around me, acking goofy. I have never seen my baby this happy before....I could never make him that happy"!

I was given the chance to be there when Kevin crossed over. I will cherish that forever. When I start to feel sorry for myself, I remember how happy Kevin was, and I know Kevin wants his mommy to be happy too!

So after I woke up in the ER, I was asked what I remembered. " Since it was bright, and Kevin was so happy, I throught the kids and I were at  "Kid Town " Untill I was told that the weather was nasty and we were all in a car accident.

My husband was there right away if I remember right. I remember Tommy's dad being with me while he was with our children.
The nurse came in to tell me the condition of my children. Still at this time....I am thinking it was a fender bender. I want to make sure that no one else was hurt!

I ask her how my children are and he starts with  by saying; "Well John has a large gash over his left eye and they will be taking him to surgery, Victoria has a good bump to her head and we will keep a close eye on it, and she also has some troma to her hip as well.
" Kevin" I remember saying " We'll...your baby's realy sick"!
" He has not opened his eyes, and he's not talking."!

" Kevin.....never woke up........."

I went to see Kevin before the was grounded to UAB. When I looked in his eyes, I knew he was not there... he had done gone to be with the Lord. I went to see John and Victoria and I wondered how I would survive after this day!

Kevin went to UAB right away, and John Victoria and I went to ICU here iin West Point.

They let me got the next day so I could be with Kevin........... Kevin was a little fighter. They had to bring him back at the accident, and at the hospital, and on the way to UAB, and he had a hard time as well in the NICU. The Dr.'s and staff there are God sent.

Kevin lived for 5 days.... the number of years he was on this earth! He gave his daddy and I time to get used to the idea that we might have to say good-buy, even though we never understand why...... why this has to happen to anyone's child!

Kevin received he angel wings on Feb.10. 2006

My husband and I had decided to donate Kevin's organs, if any could be. We were happy to know that Kevin's heart valves could be saved and save the life of two people.

If you know Kevin...then I don't have to tell you this. If you are meeting Kevin for the first time... please let me share. Kevin was a very giving child. I would say he would give you his heart....and he did!

I still have no memory of the accident. We still have no idea what caused the accident itself. The only thing that we can think of it must have been the wet roads due to the bad weater and it being Kevin's time.

I have to live with the fact the I was driving the car that day, that took my son's life. But I was doing nothing wrong. I am a safe driver. I do not do drugs, and I was not drinking. There are blood  test and urin test to prove that! and the detectives that were there in my room that day when I was just waking up can tell you!
 
 I know they were all doing there job, and thank! There are children out there that need to be protected. But as a loving mother I never felt so damed!  That it the worst feeling in the world!

More about our giving child...... Kevin never cared what your color skin was. We live in Mississippi and have many shades and all sorts of races.
One night when Kevin and I was in bed, he asked me " Mom... why did God make all color people?"   " Well" ( and I thought oh Lord please help me with this question....and he did) So, I told him... " Well, Kevin. if I gave you one color to color with.... it would be very boring wouldn't it?" " Yes" Kevin said....... "Well.... that's why God made people of different color....If we were all the same color... it would be boring!"
{You can tell he got it right away,.... but the little buger had another question cooking}
"But mom...........?" "Yes....."? " Why didn't God make PINK people......Pink IS HIS FAVORITE COLOR?!"....................

I thought for a sec....... well he did sweetie...... But there mommies just have to tickle them PINK first..........!"


Bernadette Kevin's mommy

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I LOVE JOHN THOMAS AND I LOVE VICTORIA


  

Daddy....what do I say to my Hero? Daddy, I love you, and I am always with you! I come to you though mommy in her dreams. I want you to know that I am ok, and I know sit on God's lap.
Thank you for all that you have taught me while I was on earth. God....chose you to be my daddy, because he knew that you would teach me all that I needed to know.
I may not be with you on earth.... but I am with you in spirit, and will forever be in your heart. 
Even though I am high in Heaven now....daddy, I still look up to you. And so does John Thomas and Victoria!
I hear you tell others that you were blessed to have known me for five years than not to have known me at all..... well, daddy....I was blessed to have known you for five years, than not to have know you at all! Just as you tell others this on earth... I tell the other Angel children here in Heaven.

Daddy, I can still feel you put my hand and feet on your face and tickle me with you face hairs.

I send you my laugh through other children, I send you my smile through a new baby's smile.

It's okay to be sad....I miss you too. But when you get sad......think of me acting like you!  Like the times I would copy you and spit ouside the door...I was being just like you daddy.

Smile when you see me....I am happy! People tell you I'm in a much better place, and that might make only half since. You kept me safe all the time, and I was loved beyound belief! But I think what they mean...is that you know where I am, and nothing will ever hurt me now. I will never feel pain, or sarrow! I can't explain what it is like here in Heaven, but I know your belief is strong!

When I see you tuck Victoria in a night, and kiss John Thomas goodnight, I can still feel you carry me to my bed if I fall asleep on the couch. Please understand that is a special memorie from me to you that no one can take away!
I can still feel my feet hit the floor before 4 am. to get in bed with you and mommy....and I'm glad you did not mind.

Daddy, I love you....and I always will.......don't be so hard on your self if you can't remember your dreams... I'll go to mommy for you, and she will let you know that I came to see you all!

I love you daddy...... your little Buddy...........



I let Kevin speak to me as I wrote this, and I feel this is what he had to say to his daddy.......

Kevin's mommy
April 11, 2007



                      Dear Dddy........
I miss you so very much. Mom is havining a verry hrrd time right now!  But.............. I am still with you..... I will never leave you! Just bear with her oain and and allow her to go thought her changers. Mommy will be be wight there when you need her. She wsnt's to help you as well. She can take care of John and Vicctoria..... just fine. Mommy worries about you and her with my loss and hersellf going on with out me " Her Kevin"

                                

Mary, what can I say now that my son is gone? Mother of Sorrows, to you I turn for help, and comfort. I have lost my child. Just as you have lost your son Jesus when you stood beneath the cross and saw him die for our sins. You suffered so much, Mary, and you must know what I am suffering. I do not know why God allowed this sorrow to come into my life;yet I know that he is my loving Father. I must be patient and trustful. Heavenly Mother, pray that I may have strenght. Yes, my child is in heaven. Someday we are going to meet again, and there will be no more sadness, and no more parting.
Mary, my child is gone now too- and in this earthy life I shall never see my dear one again. And still I would not have it otherwise because I know that God wished to take my darling away young and innocent, before this world had cast its shadow upon that precious soul. And I am grateful for the assurance that my child is safe with Jesus and close to you.
Yet, dear Mother, I must carry on here below. Remind your divine Son of the emptiness that my mother's heart must now know in this loss, and ask with me that I may have the strenght and comfort I so greatly need. May I in faith, like you, be humbly submissive till the end....
                                                  Mom still thinks she sleeps with me................that is how she get to sleep so fast. Because.... she feels me next to her
Please don't think mommy crazy!!!!!
I have mommy's back each amd every day! 

God.... is calling on me need to go daddy! 
Love ..
Anttony